ESA assessment date and I'm stressed

Hi, I'm new to the forum and I'm posting tonight as I really don't know which way to turn.
I've got Crohn's disease and rheumatoid arthritis. Due to a major operation to bascially save my life I had to have majority of my bowels removed and I know suffer from incontinence. I've been on IB since 2003 and in 2013 I migrated to ESA, initially work focused group, but due to the fact there were no toilets and the nearest ones were 1/2 mile (their words) it was changed to support group.
In September last year I was asked to complete a new form to see if anything had changed, which I duly completed and in October I received that after looking at my claim again my benefit will continue.

I've thought no more of it until last week when the letter came. I had asked for a home visit due to my incontience but this wasn't taking into consideration. I thought I would contact the letter to see what facilities were available as I have accidents daily, more so if I'm in a stressful situation, and was told it's nothing to do with them and it was tough if I needed the toilet. I had to call the assessment centre where I did speak to a helpful lady who is going to get my file and look at it.

I'm so stressed by the situation I can't sleep properly and my crohns is really playing up. Also I've received a letter today saying my ESA is increasing which just feels like salt is being rubbed in my very open wound at the moment.

Any help or advice greatly appreciated xxx