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TOPIC: Never felt so vulnerable and alone as I am now

Never felt so vulnerable and alone as I am now 7 years 2 months ago #14301

  • vintage59
I have a degenerative spine disease and am not able to do much,I can walk with the aid of a stick but not very far and had no worries about passing my medical for ESA, except I didn't, I failed it and only got 6 points and that was because I can't sit properly! Of course I am appealing and for the last 4 months have been waiting for a date. Can't begin to tell you the stress this has caused and i've become an irritable and bad tempered cow, when i'm not crying and feeling depressed. The doctor I saw wrote me a sick note for 3 months but it run out on 28th December, so I rung to renew it stating that it was a continuation sick note while I was waiting for a date to come through for my appeal, new year came and went and I started to worry if I don't get my SN in before the 13th Jan, I will be without any money, I phoned yesterday to be told the doctor hasn't dealt with it yet, I phoned today to be told doctor won't sign it because it's been a while since I saw him and he needs to see me! I tried to explain I couldn't get to the doctors because of the weather and that I'm frightened i'll fall on the icey ground, I asked how was I expected to get there to be told "thats your problem, not ours" I can't afford a taxi, (my daughter was going to pick up my SN and post it for me). Because they don't have any appointments I have to phone up each day at 8.30am to see if there has been a cancelation that day, if it is inbetween 8.30 and 5pm I can't get because she is at work (over 50 miles away!)I'm cold, i'm writing this lying in bed because I'm afraid to put the heating on, DWP have already cut my benefits by £100 a month so I can't afford my £100 a month electric payments, I've never felt so alone in all my life, and I will admit "ending it all" has crept into my mind on more than one occasion these last few days. I'm sorry for going on just need to tell people who understand thats all, i'm just feeling a little sorry for myself, but i'm at my wits end and feel if my doctor can't be supportive then what hope have I got.
The administrator has disabled public write access.

Re:Never felt so vulnerable and alone as I am now 7 years 2 months ago #14306

Hi Vintage59

I am so sorry that things are so difficult for you at the moment. I am also very sorry that I do not really have any advice for you, but wanted you to know I am thinking of you and you are not alone.

I know only too well how down these things can make you feel and I really do hope that things improve for you very soon.

If you need someone to talk to now, the Samartians are there for you:


They are there to listen and will try to help you at this time.

Wishing you all the best
The administrator has disabled public write access.

Re:Never felt so vulnerable and alone as I am now 7 years 2 months ago #14309

Firstly, let me be blunt about "ending it all". It is so tempting to think that way when you're depressed, but from the rest of what you've said, it is a symptom of the depression, not part of a long-term plan, so please hold on in there until life seems better and the urge to end it all will fade. I know because I have tried to end it all several times and come close to succeeding. I am not well now - my bipolar medication damps me too much and keeps me depressed - but I am well enough to be glad that I didn't succeed.

Don't forget that the Samaritans are there 24/7 on 08457 90 90 90. If you get through to one you don't feel comfortable talking to, just ring off and try again.

As for the doctor, what about waiting until out of hours and calling for a home visit? Or if you're totally hacked off with your surgery, what about saying you want to make a complaint? It doesn't sound like they're being exactly helpful to begin with, so what's to lose?

Sorry I've no other ideas, and I'm sure that others have much better ones, but I really did want to respond to your obvious distress.

Don't give up!
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Re:Never felt so vulnerable and alone as I am now 7 years 2 months ago #14310

What a ghastly and utterly unjust situation to be in. I'm so sorry.

My doc was unhelpful recently, and I know that when the person you're relying on to care for you is so unsupportive it really demolishes you.

Maybe you've already tried this, or maybe you're too exhausted to try, but for what it's worth could you ask for a short sick note to cover you until you can get an appointment? The only other thing I can think of is to make a future appointment for a time you can manage, then tell DWP when it is and that you'll be sending a new note then - but I don't know if the DWP would buy that.

Hope someone else has more useful advice and wise words to offer, but I just wanted you to know in the meantime your message had been read and someone out in cyberspace is wishing you well. Keep hanging on in there, as they say.
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Re:Never felt so vulnerable and alone as I am now 7 years 2 months ago #14321

  • vintage59
You are all so kind, I just need people who understand to talk to, because apart from my adult children, I never tell people I am on benefits, I learned not to do that a long time ago, so I have no one to talk to about all what is going on with this new system, people sense there is something wrong because i'm not my usual bubbly self and havn't been for months. I woke up this morning and told myself to "pull myself together" I woke up cold, but told myself at least I have a bed to sleep in, some are not so lucky, then my daughter rang and said her school is closed and if I could get that appointment with the Doctors for today she could take me, I rang them at 8.30 on the dot and got to see a Doctor at 10.30 so I have my sick note and my daughter has now posted it for me, but why do I still feel "whats the point" i'm really trying, but that samaritans number will come in handy, and I may give them a ring later.thank you
The administrator has disabled public write access.

Re:Never felt so vulnerable and alone as I am now 7 years 2 months ago #14325

The national number I gave you will get you through to the nearest available line, even if it's the other end of the country, but if 0845 numbers are more expensive than regional numbers for you, follow the link Truepalacefan gave you and you can find the local numbers. You can call any of them. If they're busy, the call will bounce to another area just as if you'd called the 0845 number.

I'm really glad you've got your sick note. Please keep fighting the despair. Please believe me when I say that I have experienced a lot of despair in my life and that you can keep going longer than you think. I get despairing about recovery and benefits and then I go to websites where I can get support and it helps to damp down the despair. Just remember that you are not alone. Everyone on this website knows how awful the benefits system is.

(Perhaps a good moment to mention that everytime my panic about benefits and welfare reforms starts rising, I come here and feel less frightened.)
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