reassessment for ESA, atos medical , round 4

so on Friday , I attend my 4 th medical for the DWP . This time , its ESA. I last had my medical for ESA was in May 2015?
i attended on my own, was having a "good" day , i thought my walking was ok, slow, but ok.
the shocking result was I got ESA and placed in SG . Noted in the medical was my walking.

anyways , had to complete ESA50 last October , and this wca is for that form.

im not sure my 'dont care less' attitude atm is going to help. Since September so many big life changing things have happened and ongoing . My stroke /heart/thrombotic/ central pain survivor husband is really ill , he is now on the 2 week protocol process as they a suspect lymphoma. heart, liver kidneys sarcoid TB has been ruled out..it can only be that.

needless to say , since late December , i have been in a flare , the fatigue is just ..well stupid...

i have no one to go with me , again, johnny no mates lol , thats what 22 yrs of caring for a loved one does to you , your inner circle gets smaller each year, then disappears. not looking for pity. its a fact. my daughter is heavily pregnant , its half term , my son is working , all friends my age , have jobs, the rest of my family are dead.

I had to change my first appt as it clashed with OH hospital, so made another one, they sent out letter, then i got a letter saying they had cancelled it for Croydon , and sending me to Balham centre.

I called up and said i was not going to Balham, its a bloody nightmare to get there from where I live. they said it was changed because of health and safety, yep, croydon is that inaccessible building where disability assessments take place !! .

i said i put it on my form , i can come down the stairs , in the event of a fire , but I will not attempt climbing the stairs. They have a lift. so i explained I can come down the stairs fine thank you , no i dont use a wheel chair , no dont have sticks, no I dont need crutches , but a banister will suffice thank you . if you want me to run , by all means , give me a shove. i said also I am unlikely to go UP the stairs in the event of a fire, its dangerous to enter a burning building. If the lift is broke , then i will use the one that is not broke, if thats not available, then , depending on how i am i will..... a) attempt stairs, no promises thou..... b) rearrange appointment . its just that i have a direct line to croydon where i live and the centre is next door to the station.

he sounded taken back , as he repeated the questions twice , so you can go up the stairs?, i answered twice, no , i COULD , depending on the day , but dont ask me to bloody run , and if i am not prepared to push it , i wont. ( yes my little mate , i know what you are implying) he was ok with that and even thanked me for getting back to him.

ahead of this , i rang carers unit, if ( more likely than not ) i get kicked off esa , my carers allowance payment will begin again the day after the decision letter. so thats ok ,,i will lose some money ..but worse things happen.

you know when you get to that low point in life, when you think, you know what, i dont give a monkeys...im done..there is nothing to be afraid of..the worst has already happened? this is why , i know my mood atm is not good , for a medical assessment , to see if i am fit to work , by a person who has a so called health care qualification, sitting on their arse , ticking boxes on a computer , and they want me to go out and get a proper job??

im not worried about going on my own , id rather because , i know its all b****, a not fit for purpose process. but i have read your guides, i will refresh my form.

meanwhile , still waiting for decision on OH ESA50 form ...he is up for reassment and transfer to PIP...they better hurry up...

who said being on benefits is a doddle?

moan over .

well , the usual bloody chaos at the Assessment Centre in Croydon. Arrived 15 mins before appointment , 2.30 pm , it was absolutely heaving!
there was no empty chairs left!
everyone cleary was so fed up and frustrated .
Seems , they were running 1 and a half hours behind !!
apparently ...2 assessors had called in sick...lets hope its not to do with stress..
As i stood at the counter, the door to the office was open....on the back wall was a whiteboard ...it said
" Performance Targets and Customer Service" the table below ran from monday to friday ...one column said "we need " then a column said "we got " ....so we need ...58 ....we got 40....and so on....i was so tempted to take a pix , as the whole words "performance targets" has no place in the world of being sick ill and disabled ...surely?????????
needless to say , i was told it was unlikely to seen today.
"ill mark you attended ...and an alternative appt letter will be sent in the post...
not good...and they are trying to assess the sick if capable of the world of work ....lead by example ???
Joke . Absolute Joke.
Talk about punishing the poor.
no apologies what so ever.
I was glad to get back on the train and head home.

Thanks for the update raindaisy!

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TY Mrs HB ,

my appt has come through again , this time its 2 weeks away , i will be going on my own , this time , having read all the horrible HCP reports , have I time to request the appt to be recorded? how do i do this ? thanks in advance.