DLA, missed payment and address change problem

Hi,

I've been a member for a while and used your guides but I wondered if you can help with a problem my son is having?

Bit of background (it's really, really complicated!). When I left my ex husband, due to all sorts of reasons, my two children aged 14 and 15 remained with him. My 15 year old was getting DLA because he has a diagnosis of Aspergers. My ex wanted the DLA paid to him when my son turned 16, as he was the primary carer and said my son wasn't able to manage his own money. I disagreed with him, but because I wasn't the primary carer my views were disregarded.

Fast forward a few years and after a long fight with my ex, my son's money was finally sent to his own bank account. My son moved out of my ex's house in Kent, to go to university in Wales but was still registered to his father's address. After Uni in 2015 he moved in with his boyfriend in Wales, but due to his father assaulting him when he was living with him in Kent and his fear of reprisals, he never informed the DWP about his change of address ( I didn't know he hadn't told them).

Two years ago I helped my son's boyfriend claim Income Support and Carers Allowance as he is my son's carer.

This month, my son hasn't received his DLA payment; it's been 6 weeks since his last one. I said I would call them about it as my son isn't able to ring them due to his autism and mental health issues plus they don't have a phone. Now I know as his mother, they probably wouldn't talk to me but I was thinking that I could say I was him and sort this out. This sounds a strange thing but another complication is my son is trans male but again hasn't informed the DWP so all info is in his female name.

I'm really concerned though. Not only am I not my son/daughter, but I've just discovered that his father is still receiving the DWP letters. After a tense morning messaging my ex about this, he claims that he hasn't had any information about his son's DLA. He may be telling the truth but I really don't know.

Also, if I ring about the missed payment and they want to send a form, where the heck does it go? I know my son and his BF have technically committed benefit fraud, but it's been done through fear of further problems with my ex. I try and support them as best I can but I'm on benefits too and having my own problems in that respect.

I really don't know what to do-help!

Thank you BIS

Yep an absolute mess.

Son's boyfriend is also on the spectrum but is very high functioning (I hate that term but hey), he cares for son and sorts out all the bills etc. He really does his best.

Son won't have anyone else involved. I called social services 3 years ago because of his decline but he screamed at them when they came to the house and they fled. He has horrendous mental health problems due to the assaults and covid-he hasn't left the house for over 2 years, isn't vaccinated etc.

I've told both of them that any contact I/we have with the DWP will be like prodding a hornets nest and they, and me, are prepared.

Okay, I shall Skype them and let them know what to do and that they have my support. I will find out how to become my son's advocate as well. I know both of them would find that a relief.

Thank you again

Julie

Thank you so much for the reply BIS

My son's BF is also on the spectrum but is able to manage things better than my son.

My son won't engage with any 'outsiders'. Three years ago I felt forced to contact their local social services. When they knocked on the door my son screamed at them and they fled. He has horrendous mental health issues due to the assaults and covid. He hasn't left the house in about 4 years.

I shall Skype them and let them know what needs to be done. I have already explained that any contact with the DWP will be prodding a hornets nest but what needs to be done, needs to be done. I will also look into being his advocate. It really would be the best thing to do and they know that too.

Thank you again

Julie