Extremely concerned - ESA medical a week today

My story is long but I will try to keep it as breif as possible. I've been mentally ill since I was 15 years old - I turn 30 at the end of this month. I was diagnosed with BPD around the age of 18/19 although I only found that out when I read my psych notes when I was 20. So since the age of 16 I've had a psychiatrist. I've seen many, I've had 4 years of therapy with a psychologist, therapy with psychotherapists and have been an inpatient in the local psychiatric hospital 7 times since the age of 19. My last admission was over a year ago. I was a severe self harmer and I had 5 separate Surgeries to repair muscle and tendons under general anaesthetic. I haven't cut since last April. I've taken 13 OD's since I was 16 the last one was April 2010. I was also addicted to codeine and prescription medication - diazepam and sleeping tablets. I used to buy diazepam off street dealers. I got into a therapeutic community over two years ago and had intensive 3 day psychotherapy. I worked very hard but the TC was closed last March due to funding cuts. I found muself in a mess but carried on seeing a therapist till June this year and was discharged. I'm still under my consultant psychiatrist but I don't have regular appointments with him. I fell pregnant last September and my baby is nearly 5 months old. I'm alot better than I was. I still have the BPD diagnosis and I manage the symptoms much better. But my psychiatrist believes BPd is a lifelong illness and at my last appointment it was he who brought up the whole income support thing being moved to ESA. My GP has recently put me back on my sleeping tablets because I'd been on them and diazepam for 8 years and although my baby has been sleeping through for a while I've been finding the insomnia has gotten really bad. I came off all medication when I fell pregnant. My psychiatrist is sending me a letter to take to the medical with me but it hasn't arrived yet. Problem is I know that relapse is highly possible but at the mOment I'm quite stable. I don't have alot of support and I'm a single mum. The father is not involved. I was awarded DLA indefinitely in 2007 but I don't think I will pass the ESA medical and therefore may have to apply for DLA again which I definitely won't get I'm sure. It's very difficult because I manage my life by keeping things as stress free as possible. And having my baby has probably saved my life. Now I'm not afraid to work I've done voluntary work for years. But I've never been able to hold a job down because I always become ill. Does anyone know what will happen if I go into the work related group and how much money I might lose. I think my income support is topped up with Severe disablement allowance. And because I have a fluctuating condition do they even take that into account? If I'm moved into the work related group as a single mother with a 5 month old baby where do I stand? Will I have to go find a job in a couple of months? Also of I am deemed fit to work will I lose my DLA. I'm on middle rate care and lower mobility. I'm not a scrounger, I've been very ill all my adult life, I was never able to get a degree. I went to college 4 times and had to drop out because I became ill. The stress of this is making very very worried. How will I cope mentally? How will I cope financially and look after my baby and myself of I lose a huge chunk of benefits and my DLA?

This is horrible sorry this is so long. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I don't even think the letter from my psychiatrist will help even though he is concerned about me having any stress in my life especially since I have a young baby.

Thanks if you managed to read that.

Thanks for your reply Gordon.

I spoke to a welfare rights officer attached to the psychiatric hospital and she also suggested calling the jobcentre and asking if I should go onto lone parent IS. So I called them and the woman told me no I shouldn't apply for it because I'd be losing £51 a week.
I'm just waiting for my psychiatrists letter to arrive and once I read that I think I'll have a better idea of what he thinks as an expert about my illness and I'll feel more prepared for the interview.
I'll have a proper look at the guides, I didn't use them when I filled out the form which I should have

I think it's very difficult because I can't guarantee that I will stay well, like most mental illnesses it's not black and white. It's not like a broken arm where you know it will heal and it won't usually happen again

helenapink1, just wanted to wish you luck. I too have mental illness and I totally agree that it can be lifelong and fluctuating. And the constant reassessing only exacerbates my illness!