esa rollercoaster. i feel like just giving up

i applied for esa in june 19 2009 . i suffer from depression anxiety and panic attacks ,i was on the reduced rate for 8 weeks and had my medical on august the 8th 2009 and failed with 9 points ,my ESA stopped there were many contradicting statements on my report so with the help of welfare rights we decided to take it to appeal i carried on receiving reduced rate benefit up untill i went to appeal in march 24th 2010 . the appeal was horrendous i hadnt slept for days leading up to the appeal and anxious the whole thought of it pulled me deeper into depression at the appeal i couldnt concentrate on the questions being asked due to my illness being on an all time low and having to remember what i was like back in june 2009 , they asked me alot of confusing questions that i was expected to remember that had happened 8/9 months earlier, my sister was with me and she also ended up crying seeing the state i was in anyway the tribunal went against me

i telephoned welfare rights to let them know the outcome. i was advised to reapply for esa as she was going to ask for a sor, i reapplied on the 26th march with a doctors note and 3 weeks later was told that benefit would be held untill i had completed a new medical ,while waiting for this medical i have now had a letter from tribunal services saying that the decision that was made has to be set aside as the recording equiptment failed to record and i will have to attend again on the 14 june 2010 to repeat the same case and i have also got my second medical tomorrow

i dont think i can keep up with all this it has made me soo ill with trying to concentrate in getting what i feel i am entitled too rather than being able to concentrate on myself getting better i feel like just giving up

Hi ,believe me you are not alone and they would love you to give up, keep strong, chat about it with someone, i know it sounds easy but its not, just remember you have friends on here thinking about you me for one, its a game to the DWP you keep on playing! have another go! best wishes Rap.

update ... i went to both the tribunal and my medical yesterday on the advice from welfare rights ...before i went in i asked the clerk to make sure that the recording equiptment was working because i really didnt want to go through it all again , the panel took notes just incase the recording equiptment didnt work ..i had a lovely panel who made me feel very comfortable and spoke to me like a human being (not like the last panel i had ) any way ...i was only in there a matter of ten mins when they sent me out for a break when they called me in they told me i had satisfied them and that they had allowed my appeal ,relief , i thanked them and told them that i was due to go to my medical later that day ,they told me to tell the medical people where i had been and the results of the appeal even show them my allowance notice which they gave to me on the way out .......i went to my medical assessment and showed at reception my allowance notification my medical assessment only lasted 10 mins with the doctor at the end he asked me if there was anything else i wanted to say b4 he signed it off i also showed him my allowance he typed a little more and said thankyou and goodbye ..... it took so much out of me yesterday and as soon as i came home i went to sleep untill this morning so only just sinking in i think i may now be on the home run . thanks for all your help i am soo gratefull xxx

My heart goes out to you as I suffer with depression and it is so so very hard to deal with but after saying that I do feel that you are definitely on the home run and about to come in first.

Sending you my best wishes and support always.