I really can't cope with this anymore

I had to make the transition from DLA to PIP in August of this year. My case is still with Capita.

I have uncontrolled epilepsy, Non epileptic attack disorder, trigeminal neuralgia, depression, PTSD, agoraphobia and severe anxiety and am currently under my local crisis team as I have been feeling suicidal again and attempted suicide last year. My recent suicidal feeling are in part due to this process and what capita are putting us through.

I suffered an attack five years ago when i left my ex where he held me in our house for ten days and subjected me to repeated physical and sexual attacks. i also have prolapse issues as a result of what he did to me which causes me a lot of pain and mobility, incontinence issues. There were many times that I thought I was going to die Since then the woman I was has disappeared and I have lived the last five years unable to work and on benefits. My husband is my carer and also suffers depression and anxiety as a result of caring for me and having to witness repeated bouts of both daily and nocturnal seizures and injuries I have suffered as a result of falling. I am not allowed to be left on my own at all.

I sent my forms back in August and I was passed over to capita who gave me an appointment for a medical assessment 45 miles from my house even though I had stated the above conditions. My Community Psychiatric Nurse from the crisis team urged us to pursue a paper assessment as she felt the impact of even a home visit would be too much to handle in my already unstable condition.

My husband made phone call after phone call to capita to explain this to them. They refused to contact my psychiatrist instead asking us to get a report from him ourselves. Which we were advised not to do as it is Capita's duty to collect this information. My GP was on holiday and took an age to fill my form out and when she finally did do it and we were sent a copy to view she had missed many pieces of vital information off so we asked her to add them in and not include a letter from an appointment I had attended at a specialist epilepsy unit (something we have had to fight for to finally get treatment for my epileptic seizures) My GP then went on holiday again so we had to wait another two weeks for her to return to amend the form. We then received a telephone call from the receptionist asking why we didnt want the letter included and accused us of trying to hide something!!! Said letter mentioned extremely personal information about me, my entire history, about the attack and also about a historic childhood rape case I am going through with the police. I felt it should be my choice as to what information i provided on my forms not that of my GP. The letter was not included but I was very upset at the accusation of trying to hide something!

My husband has now made in excess of 30 phone calls to Capita who are still debating over whether I should be allowed to be paper assessed. We even got my Osteopath (who sees me at home through my GP surgery and my husband has known on a professional level for many years to write a letter for us detailing my mobility issues. Even my GP sees me at home as my agoraphobia has become so acute. We sent the osteopaths letter to them FOUR weeks ago and they have only just received it yet it is still not on their system. They have generated four home visit appointment's for me even though they have been told of my conditions by my form and my husband and now my osteopath. They said this is protocol and we have had to call and cancel each one which is just increasing my anxiety. They have refused to contact my Psychiatrist who would be the best person to speak with about the current fragility of my mental state.

Each time my husband calls they tell him there has been no progression and is told to call back in three days time. this has been going on for months and I don;t think i can cope anymore. I am so scared they will take away any award or force me to see someone. Every day that passes i think i would be better off not here. The pressure is just increasing day by day and every time they tell us to call back again and again and again.... I cannot see an end to it. I do not feel listened to or heard. They have taken nothing into account I have written on my form, nothing that my husband has told them. I just can't cope anymore.

it feels like it will never end or when it does it will end badly. How can they do this to someone who is under the care of the CRISIS TEAM, yet not bother contacting them to quantify my claims. I am at a total loss as to what to do. My husband takes the pressure off me by dealing with them but it doesn't stop me from catastrophising about it minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day. It just doesn't seem worth it anymore.