PIP assessment - Left disheartened and broken

Bit of background: I'm 21 years old and when I just turned 17 my world fell apart. I was diagnosed with ADHD, which was said to possibly turn to bipolar disorder after some time and more assessments. Then came the agonising depression, the life altering anxiety and the mind numbing insomnia. I lost my job, spiralled downwards and was changed forever. I was told I may never work again, but wasn't prepared to let this stop me. I applied for job seekers allowance, but was then told this wasn't for me and after being told by doctors I wasn't fit for work any time soon if at all, the job centre told me the same thing and I ended up on employment support allowance. If it wasn't for the care and support from my family and boyfriend, I wouldn't be here today and that's no exaggeration. After a long time of fighting the fact that I needed the extra financial support of PIP, I gave in after 2 years and applied. (Only to help my poor family and boyfriend who have to not only emotionally support me but financially support the dreaded impulsiveness that ADHD brings). The pip assessment date came through and I attended yesterday, the 14th of june. And I have to say, off my own back, I beat myself up all the time for being such a let down. I'm sure we all feel that way sometimes? That we're putting so much strain on our loved ones having to look after us possibly more than a "normal" family member needs and of course, I get depressed about the fact they can never have a day off from my problems. But let me say this, I have never, never had anyone actually tell me that I was a burden to my loved ones, until my assessor today told me I was. Nervous, filled with anxiety but too hyper from the ADHD to let it show and of course dying from the lack of sleep that insomnia brings my head was of course all over the place. My boyfriend and I explained to her how much support I actually get. That I'm more or less, (and am willing to accept this and say it myself) that I'm basically still a child, a "just turned" teenager at best. And after constantly explaining how much support I actually get I sat there and crumbled, head in hands, nearly at the verge of tears and said "God" and I sighed, "It sounds like they're constantly caring for me". This former PARAMEDIC, (I put this in capitals for a very good reason), hit me with this: "Yeah they care for you. Theyre supposed to. But it does sound like they give you a lot more support and encouragement." She turned to my boyfriend and said "How do you have time to do anything?!", my boyfriend completely shocked said "Who? Me?!" and this former PARAMEDIC, then turned to me and said "Well yeah, if you and her mum are constantly picking up the strain and doing all this for her then what's she got left to pick up? Nothing." I looked at her, and baring in mind this was the only time I looked at her throughout the whole assessment and she looked me dead in the eye and said "They've got no time to do anything because they're constantly supporting you and you've got nothing to do. Food for thought hmm" and gave me the dirtiest look. If I didn't feel like a burden before, I deffinitely do now. I left hyper, my ADHD thrives when conflict arrives, but when I got back to the car I dropped, drastically. And after hyperventilating and crying we finally drove home. This paramedic has no idea about who I am or what I actually have to deal with in my mind every day. She just assumed I was lazy and quite happy to let everyone else run around for me because I couldn't be bothered to get up and ignore these mental disabilities. And hours later, I still feel ashamed and embarrassed. But why am I? Because I do the best I can do every day, I've pushed myself and pushed myself to get out of bed when I'm crying and shouting into my pillow that I just want to die, I've pushed myself to walk out of my front door even tho my anxiety has hit me so hard it literally feels like there is no air and I'm suffocating I'm nervous to the point of just doing a runner out of the door and she tells me that I'm lazy and a burden on the people who love and support me and that I'm taking up all of their free time?! I can't believe an assessor, a paramedic assessor, has made that judgment and that remark and clearly has no idea that mental illnesses are real. And they are big.

I think I might want to wait for a copy of the report, how do I obtain this? By calling the PIP enquiry line? I also am not sure how far a complaint would go, as my memory has failed me and I cannot remember her name, will her name be on the report? - Thank you for your reply

Hi there,

I know you probably think it's easy for me to say, but PLEASE, PLEASE don't be upset by this horrible person. I suffer from physical disabilities, but worse, from mental health issues. My daughter (who is just 23) has just been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, and she needs a lot of support from her family and boyfriend, just like you. I feel so guilty that I can't help her as much as I should, and I also feel so responsible (like she must have inherited her problems from me). She constantly feels like she is a burden, which of course, she isn't. We all love her, the way your family and boyfriend love you. It's unforgivable that someone should be able to talk to you like that and get away with it. But it seems that we have little or no choice - we have to bow down to these awful people and put up with being treated like second class citizens (I was going to say treated like animals, but the RSPCA are there to look out for badly treated animals), we have no such organisation standing up for us. It seems that the disabled are the only people in society who are allowed to be treated so appallingly, and by the very people who should be helping us.

Please try not to dwell on this experience. There are so many people who are good, and kind, and sympathetic - your family and boyfriend for starters!

This very morning, I've had a horrible experience too, but I'm trying to put it out of my mind. My son (aged 11) has been really ill since Saturday - so I eventually managed to get him to the GP (I hardly ever go out or face people). It was a hard thing for me to do, especially as the GP has relocated to new premises so it was unfamiliar to me, I was worried about my son etc.. We got in to see him, and he was so rude to me. He didn't even examine my son, but said I won't be giving him antibiotics if that's what you want. I said you haven't even examined him or taken his temperature, and he said I don't need to, he has a virus and it could last for up to two weeks. I asked if he would give me a letter for school (my son's school are really awful about absence) and he said no, because you could give him calpol and send him to school, so I said but he's got a temperature, he has swollen glands, a sore throat and earache and is sleeping more than 18 hours a day, how can I send him to school? He said well that's your call as a mother, nothing to do with me. I said so really you're saying we've wasted your time today and he just said yes you have! I had to stop myself from bursting into tears there and then, but managed to keep it together.

Sorry for my rant - I really just wanted to reassure you and let you know that you are a person worthy of much better treatment than you've been given. Try to focus on the positive things. Good luck.
Amanda x

KayMarie94 wrote: I think I might want to wait for a copy of the report, how do I obtain this? By calling the PIP enquiry line? I also am not sure how far a complaint would go, as my memory has failed me and I cannot remember her name, will her name be on the report? - Thank you for your reply

Yes, phone the DWP PIP line and sak for a copy of the assessor's report. This should be sent without any problems. I think the assessor's name is on the report.

hi there,
yes the name of the assesor will be on the assesment report and there occupation,. when you recieve your result of assesment in post see how you got on and what scores they have given you ,, if you disagree with there decsision ring them up and ask for a manditory reconsideration ,and ask for a copy of the report of assessment sent to you also,.. i recieved mine nearly 2 weeks ago and like you suffer mental health issues and wasnt awarded for most of daily activities and mobility ,,,uve done the best thing joining this site as i realy cant thank the MODS enough on here for the help and advice they have given me ,, these people who do assesment havnt a clue how mental health acrualy affects a person daily and can vary throughout the day ,its degrading the way you have to fight for your rights as a human being to get the support you need in this country its all wrong,, but please dont be too disheartned ,only you and your family know what you go through daily and stand up for your rights ,,they actualy hope that ule give up on the first step ,but DONT ,, uve come this far so dont give up,, u have u family to help you through it ,,
good luck
alison,