Help with going outside removed in - PIP

Hi guys. My bipolar disorder gives anxiety and it comes at different times in various scenarios. Generally any contact with anyone makes me feel anxious. I can’t establish relationships. Have no family. My phone is switched off, I don’t take any random calls. When I leave to go out, I have to put on the front so that I can cope being outside, if I’m tired I can’t manage it for long. I have to take certain roads that feel safe and I can only go at quiet times of day. If it becomes busy I’ll become overwhelmed!

For me engaging with other people requires me to build up to it and assume a personality in order to do it. Clearly, when I’m depressed it’s impossible. For the majority of the time I can’t go out when I want to.

I mostly email people before I can agree to speak to them on the phone. The times that I have forced myself to go out when anxious I have tried to hold my anxiety together and when I’ve got home I’ve ended up self harming. My risk of self harm and suicide is well known to them and has been documented by my psychiatrist and my GP with my PIP pack.

This is why I am surprised that I’ve had my award for help outside and engaging with people removed.

My assessment had to be booked 3 times because I was not able to go. My advocate had to call up for me. We finally agreed a time and a place that was 5 mins from my home. I traveled by taxi and felt better because I had been to the same building before and my advocate was waiting for me. That’s quite a lot of arranging and very specific things put in place just so I could turn up and I needed that to feel ok.

What my assessor said about me in the assessment:

I was anxious but not anxious enough. Compared to what? Or rather ...if you can see I am anxious what’s your point! He said I did lots of talking. Why not? My advocate prompted me about for five times but he was not there to speak for me. We never discussed I would have a problem with talking.

I wasn’t sitting at the table either I was some distance from the assessor. I had to turn my face to the right just so he could see my eyes. So, I had a health professional with me to help me feel safe but guess what? I also lost points because I was ‘able to phone’ the health professional. That would be fine even if I had phoned! So what, it’s one call. Anyway...the actual truth is we were introduced by email that’s how we met. Just so many assumptions!

None of this makes any sense to me, can someone explain what they’re trying to do here by removing my award just because I didn’t seem to be in a terrible state at the meeting?