Support for my 23 year old what is out there he’s on the spectrum

My 23 year old son who is on the spectrum and has high levels of anxiety and depression so doesn’t leave the house.
We went mainstream tried college as he’s very bright but couldn’t stay due to anxiety and noise and people as he finds it hard to communicate with people he’s rather not talk he wears head sets around the house.
He’s done Princes Trust and we have tried different support PASS and help with a social worker.The last few year after lockdown we have just been coping on our own but after an telephone assessment with PIP and heating and seeing him get so anxious and shit down it made me think he needs more help .Some of his answers about self harm and ending his life was heartbreaking.We have git a doctors appointment for a medication review as my son stopped all his antidepressant and sleeping tablets about a year ago saying they didn’t work .
What I’m wondering is where to go from here 🤷‍♀️If you have any ideas that may help or something we could try it would e much appreciated 😊

It is incredibly difficult and sometimes i think neuro divergence can be more difficult when individuals are cognitively able.

I have 5 adult children. All are autistic but only one has a learning disability and is on full benefits. Although obviously he causes us concern as he cannot live independenly, he is mentally sound and goes off every day to supported activities with other disabled people.

And he loves it!


Of my others, one of my sons had a very serious suicide attempt at 14 when he ran in front of a lorry. Very fortunately he only suceeded in shattering his legs which were skillfully reconstructed and he then decided (literal thinking!!) that he'd been saved by God and was meant to live.
Took off at aged 18 hundreds of miles down South and is now late 20s with a daughter, full time work and a VERY supportive partner. He built his own life - and still goes to church so the drastic action worked for him!

My youngest daughter took an overdose at 16. We took her out of school and she's much happier on a part time college course, in theatre. She's nearly 18 now so not out of the woods yet, but looking positive.

My eldest daughter mentally stable, i believe this is because she is incredibly artistic and knew from being tiny she would grow up to be an artist. Lives alone, makes a living as an artist.


And then we have my 22 yr old son. Straight A grader at school but went to uni during pandemic years and became isolated in his room in halls. He did have an American girlfriend and spent 2 summers in America which did him good but he was suicidal back in halls and got anti depressants.

He moved back home with us in his final year, split up from his girlfriend and put himself into counselling.

He got a first class degree software engineering but lost confidence, suffers brain fog and can't think straight.

He was all hours in bed which was not acceptable when at home so i got him a voluntary job. That sent his confidence up and within a month he had a full time paid job in a well known bakery chain.

He has applied for a few software positions but got nowhere so far. He is still on medication with a very fragile self esteem. Main things are he works with folks his age and is up and out to work every day. Don't know what his future holds though.

Online courses are an excellent idea for your boy. Online counselling too.

But the key for sure is getting him into voluntary work.

This will take a long time if he is house bound just now but steps towards it would be to:


- keep a normal routine where his curtains are open in the morning, he eats a breakfast and has some projects to do in the house

Everyone wants to feel useful and simple jobs like putting up a spice rack, dismantling the oven for a proper clean, home decorating, fixing anything broken it all helps esteem and keeps screen time down.

Once he is confident in the house, get him out washing the car, hacking down some bushes in your garden.

If he has a patient grandad or uncle, call them in for some "man" bonding over DIY tasks.


Fishing, bird watching - any of those quiet hobbies that allow for space and time are great if you have a patient, non critical family member that can spend the time.


It's just baby steps. When he is able to go out near your house, maybe he could go with you in the car to get a take away once a week?

Next step - eat in a restaurant or cafe. Just to be around people.

Slow and gentle.

Have a long term goal of volunteering work. It is the best work to start in as no obligation, no contract, often work alongside old ladies so no peer group pressure and the atmosphere is positive.

Put any thoughts of any well paid job/career on the back burner for now as you want to take pressure right off.

Focus on building independance skills in your house - cooking the meals is another you can work to. Doing the laundry.

All these skills will come in handy in the future.

Hey Joanne, what area are you in? Your GP should be able to signpost you to ASD services in your area that will be able to tell you what is out there.

Is he wanting to go back into learning or is it coping skills/social support he's after or something else?

Hi Joanne.
In case I'm misreading the situation, please accept my apologies in advance, but - in brief - perhaps you might start with exploring some on-line resources and maybe go on to speak with a helpline, a forum dealing with health & social welfare (aside from benefits), local advice/support organisations, local authority, GP, social prescriber etc?
If so, having previously bookmarked many websites/orgs for my own info, I've shortlisted a few on mental-health and across the board (national, but there will also be local) for potential kick-off:
www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/mental-health
www.ambitiousaboutautism.org.uk/understa...cal-mental-wellbeing
www.selfinjurysupport.org.uk/pages/FAQs/...y/family-and-friends
forum.scope.org.uk/categories/families
www.beyondautism.org.uk/about-autism/services/
www.base-uk.org/page/Getting-into-Work
There are really too many possible options and variables to get much more specific here, I think, but as you network and begin getting your son or you involved in things I'm sure the more worthwhile options for your situation will become apparent.
(Again, sorry if I've misunderstood your needs!)

Dear Joanne, please consider taking the piece below, which I did for WendyWoo for her son, to your son's medication review. It sounds to me as though it may well apply to him.

CYP2D6 explanation

CYP2D6 is the scientific name identifying a human gene.
Genes are the information store that tell the body what substances to make.
This gene tells the body how to make Cytochrome P450 2D6. This substance is an enzyme.
Enzymes are “doing-chemicals” in the body, different ones run thousands of body processes in many steps.
The Cytochrome P450 group of enzymes are responsible for processing [“metabolising”] lots of medications in the liver and part of the brain.

About 7% of the whole population have differences in their CYP2D6 genes. So their enzymes are different. Among autistic and hypermobile people it is more like a third to half of these people who have these different genes and therefore different enzymes.

Having the different genes causes one of three kinds of difference.

1) A few people are “ ultra-fast metabolisers”. People like this will often get a fast ‘hit’ from eg opioid painkillers like morphine, but these then ‘wear off’ too fast.

2) Others are “intermediate metabolisers.” These people process affected medications too slowly and incompletely. This means they do not get the “intended therapeutic benefit” from the medication, ie, it does not work properly. The incomplete processing leaves part-processed medication chemicals that may well cause side effects more than in a ‘normal’ person.

3) Quite a few people are “poor metabolisers.” This means that affected medications don’t work at all, and side effects can be severe or really severe.

Common examples:

-Dental anaesthetic not working, or other painkillers.

-Antidepressants not working. A classic problem with this is a patient reports to the doctor that they are still depressed after an initial period on the pills. The doctor increases the dose, the depression does not improve and the side effects get worse still.
As many doctors are unaware of the possibility for this being true, due to CYP2D6 difference, the patient is disbelieved.

About a quarter of ALL prescription medications are affected. There is a further complication – certain drugs have the opposite effect so combinations of drugs can be problematic.
I hope this helps explain some CYP2D6 issues.